I Hate Morning: A Story in GIFs

I detest morning. Probably because I stay up way to damn late the night before playing Candy Crush or reading or doing any sort of thing that avoids sleep. Which is weird, because I love sleep. Last year, mornings were a special sort of hell around here, and this year, for no rhyme or reason, mornings seem to be better. However, having a child who is very specific about his morning routine means that I have to get up early enough to be present to make sure we stay on course.

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

My alarm goes off at 6:00am and for about 10 minutes, I contemplate staying home, not waking the kids, and not doing anything that day.  Because bed is warm. Then I remember what happens when I keep both kids home from school.

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

I’ll admit, I do get up much earlier than I need to, mostly because my body needs a solid 30 minutes to wake up before I have to rush the kids out of bed. Coffee is a must. Coffee and silence is a must.

Can we talk about something for a moment? There are actual people who don’t consume coffee in the morning, and I don’t know how that works. I know there was a time where I didn’t drink coffee, obviously, but I’ve blocked that part of my life out.


Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

Then it’s time to wake up my kids. One child only requires a simple, “Hey love, time to get up.” The other? I have to turn on the lights, I have to attempt to pull her down from her loft bed, where if she’s feeling particularly feisty that morning, she can crawl into a corner and I can’t reach her. Unless I go up the ladder, and she knows I’m not going up that ladder.

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

“What would you like for breakfast?” I ask. I shouldn’t ask this question, but every morning, it slips out and I’m cursing myself. Because it always follows with the twitch worthy question, “What is there?”  Like, between yesterday and today, things changed so drastically. “Cereal. Oatmeal. Toast.”  “What kind of cereal?” OMG. LOOK AT THE TOP OF THE FRIDGE. OH WAIT. YOU ARE. AND YOU CAN SEE THAT YOUR FAVORITES ARE THERE, AND STILL I’M GOING TO REPEAT THEM BECAUSE IF I DON’T, SOMEONE IS GOING TO START CRYING.

By the time I’ve put their breakfast on the table, I think we all hate each other. But it passes. Food makes it better, I think.

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely


Please, please don’t tell me to just feed them whatever. That is even worse than the repeated rundown of what is available. Like, yesterday? I decided to preemptively make my daughter maple and brown sugar oatmeal — her favorite, of course. It was hot and steaming, waiting for her when she dragged herself upstairs. I proudly presented it to her, my first mistake. Then I made the second mistake of assuming she would eat it.

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

Once I’ve soundly repressed all feelings of rage, I begin making lunches. Yes, I know, I should make them at night but I don’t like doing that. I mean, I do like the fact that it gives me one less thing to do in the morning, but soggy sandwiches are gross, and I don’t feel like hearing about soggy sandwiches after school. So I make the lunches in the morning while my kids are already teasing and taunting one another. Mostly, I just ignore it.

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

After breakfast, I send my son away to get dressed, brush his teeth, and put his backpack together. Then I pry my daughter from her chair, and haul her back downstairs to get dressed. If I’m thinking ahead, I’ll have brought her outfit upstairs earlier, or I’ll have stolen enough time between the finish of lunches to go throw my hair into a pony tail, thrown on some yoga pants and grab her what she’s wearing. But most days, that’s not happening.

Thus begins the epic battle of her telling me that there is nothing to wear. Even when there are eleventy billion things to wear, and the one thing she wants to wear is not school appropriate. “Yes, I know you love your Elsa dress, but it’s ripped and you can’t wear it to school.” “No, you cannot wear your bathing suit to pretend you are a cat. HERE. I have some outfits. This one has purple!”

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

I nudge her off into the bathroom to brush her teeth, while I hear my son announce that he is ready, and wants to leave right now. I tell him to play for a bit because I still have to start the car, do his sister’s hair, and oh SHIT, I forgot to sign the damn agendas. As I put my boots on, I yell for him to find my a pen and put it by the backpacks.

I curse Canada and our blasted winter as I quickly, but not too quickly, run out to the car, shove the key in, blast the defrost and hope to hell I don’t have to scrape anything when the kids are ready to go (I will, I always will).

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

Meanwhile, I run inside, notice the time, and realize we had to be leaving, like, RIGHT NOW. So I tell the kids to start getting their snow gear on — “Yes, all of it please, it’s cold outside” —  while I sloppily sign the agendas, and wonder if I’m passive aggressive enough to just sign all the days from now until the rest of the year (I’m not, I’ll just talk about doing it). I throw everything in their bags, try to remember if it’s library day for either one of them, while hoping it’s not because I do not have time to find those blasted books.

In the front entry way where my kids are getting, it looks a little something like this:

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

Or maybe it doesn’t, but it sure does feel like that. Once I have secured the children in their winter stuff, we run to the car, and I beg them, as I pull out to maybe be a little more helpful tomorrow morning.

Oh. I think that’s why I don’t like going to sleep at night. I know what greets me in the morning.

Giphy / GIPHY – via Iframely

What’s your morning like? Does it involve as much proverbial fire and brimstone as mine does?

Check out some lovely ladies talking about this very subject:

Cheryl at Busy Since Birth

Lisa at Squared Mommy

Phyllis at The Napkin Hoarder 

Mel at A Wide Line 

Kimberly at Red Shutters 



6 Responses to “I Hate Morning: A Story in GIFs”
  1. Phyllis November 25, 2015
    • Danielle November 25, 2015
  2. Cheryl at Busy Since Birth November 25, 2015
    • Danielle November 27, 2015
  3. Kimberly @ Red Shutters November 25, 2015
    • Danielle November 27, 2015

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